It's Days Like Today...

It's days like today that I realize I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. I try and think back to a time when all of this made sense. I'm not sure it ever did. Today is a day full of horrid timing. Well, to be fair, today's timing is no worse than any other day, but I suppose you could say that it is the cumulation of years and years of "wrong place, wrong time" juju. Sometimes I think that it would all be so much simpler if we all said just exactly what we mean just exactly when we mean to say it. No regrets, no what ifs. Just pure, unfiltered, messy, ugly, stupid, disturbing truth.

And then, what would happen if we all just did what we wanted? All the silly little reasons for holding back or putting off or wasting time disappeared and for just a day, the world was void of fear. Fear of loss; fear of loneliness; fear of sorrow: of regret, of remorse, of pain, of embarrassment, of failure, of ending up alone. What if it all went away? Could we live like that? Could we actually all be that honest with each other? Who knows what the ramifications would be?....Not I. Not I. This is the simplest truth.

Woops-A-Poof!

Once Upon A Time...there was a humble group of players. The Gypsy Players, they called themselves. In their first year of performance, they wrote a tale of love and loss and hobgoblins. This is that story. This is a script for the performance of a most wonderful story simply entitled...

Woops-A-Poof

Princess:

Hello boys and girls! I’m here to tell you a story. It’s all about me...but part of it isn’t. (Rant about random stuff that is totally off subject. )

Director:

Stop stop stop!! This is all wrong. You’re not supposed to do this part!

Princess:

Uhhhhhh????

Director:

Narrator!!

(Narrator appears and “stage hand” drags princess off stage while she’s protesting)

Much better. Action!!

Narrator:

Let me get back to the story. You see, it all started once upon a...

(Big Crash heard from back stage)

Fairy:

WOOPS-A-POOF!!

Narrator:

(Sigh) Yes, it all started once upon a woops-a-poof

(Princess hangs up a sign that says ‘Frank the Ogre’s Cleaning Service’ and Frank appears)

Frank:

(Phone Rings) Frank Ogre’s Pool Cleaning Service. How can I help you?... (Muffled voice is heard off stage) Sir, calm down! What’s stuck in your pool? A bat? OH! Your cat!! I’ll be right there!...No, no sir whatever you do, don’t pull on his tail!!!!

(Starts to leave, but Princess shows up)

Can I help you?

Princess:

There were three leaves in our pool today and my stepmother insisted that I come see you to have them removed. Do you do that sort of thing?

Frank:

Uh huh

Princess:

(pulls out her card and accidentally pulls out the Fairy’s card and drops it) Uh...okay. So just call me as soon as the cat gives you back your tongue and we’ll set up an appointment...(waits for reply) Alright...well...have a good day.

(Leaves)

Frank:

Oh, wait!! You dropped you...personal fairy godmother’s card! YES!! Now I can call the fairy godmother and she can turn me into a handsome prince, and then the princess will fall in love with me, and then we will be married, and then, we will live happily ever after!!! HUZZAH! (Happy Dance!)

Princess:

(coming back in the door) I’m sorry I forgot my...uh....nevermind... (backs out door)

Frank:

(Random expression of *crap*) Happily Ever After, here I come!!

(Leaves)

Narrator:

A few moments later, at the office of the Princesses personal Fairy Godmother, nothing was going right...

Fairy:

(Pointing wand at the Phone) Ring! (odd crash heard) Ring!

Frodo (from LOTRs):

(rolling onto the stage, confused)

Uh....ring?

Fairy:

Thanks for the effort, but you’re in the wrong story. Sorry bout that.

(Harry looks sad and walks off as the fairy returns to the phone)

Ring! Ring! Ring! (Doorbell) (To audience) Not what I was going for, but hey it works. (back) Come in!

(Enter Frank)

Hello, my dea.....oh, hi...who are you?

Frank:

Frank

Fairy:

I see

Frank:

Who are you?

Fairy:

I am the Fairy Godmother Allora! What can I do for you?

Frank:

I’m in love with a beautiful princess! Please, will you turn me into a handsome prince so that she will fall in love with me?

Fairy:

Of course I’ll help you! (Turning aside) I can do this! I can do this! I will not screw up!

Frank:

Uh...miss fairy?

Fairy:

Yes, alright here we go. First I’ll make you sound like a prince.

Frank:

This won’t hurt will it?

Fairy:

Oh stop squawking!!! (Magic noise)

Frank:

SQUAWK!!!! (freaking)

Fairy:

Woops-a-poof!

sorry sorry! (SQUAWK) Here let me fix it!! (magic noise)

Frank:

Oh YEAH!

Fairy:

Woops-A-Poof! Here, one more try! (magic noise).....say something.

Frank:

Cookie

Fairy:

Oh good! Sorry about that! How do you feel?

Frank:

(random words) (He’s shocked and tries again but to no avail)

Fairy:

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear....it’s okay! I can fix this...I can fix this...I can, I can....Oh I can’t do this. I have a confession to make. I’m not very good at this whole magic thing.

Frodo:

(Runs in excitedly) Well maybe I could help?

Frank and Fairy:

No! (Frank tries to say no but says something else instead, Harry exits sadly)

Frank:

(More random words)

Fairy;

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve had these magic powers and I always dreamed of being a Fairy godmother. But when I was 12 my sister made pooky the family dog dissapear. And try as I might, I couldn’t make him reappear. Ever since then, no magic I do ever works out right. I keep trying to help people...but I can’t do anything right!!! (Crying)

Frank:

(Comforting tone) Random words

Fairy:

But I’m not going to give up...there has to be something we can do...I know! The Wizard! The Wizard has a giant book of magic and there has to be a spell in there to reverse this and one to turn you into a prince too!

Frank:

(Encouraging) random words

Fairy:

Come on Frank! I know the wizard can help us. Maybe he can even fix my magic!

Frank:

(Excited) random words

Fairy:

I couldn’t have said it better my self.

(They exit)

Narrator:

Meanwhile in the witches lair...the evil witch was watching everything in her crystal ball....

Witch:

(Evil laugh) Shnogg!!!!

Shnogg:

Yes Mistress!

Witch:

One should never laugh alone

(both laugh)

Your laugh isn’t nearly evil enough...work on that won’t you?

That silly ogre has no idea what he’s in for! Once the wizards magic book is in my possession I’ll be able to control the fairy’s magic and turn them all into lawn gnomes!!! hahahahahahahahaha

Shnogg:

Begging your pardon Mistress but didn’t the last person you tried to turn into a lawn gnome actually turn into a butterfly who is now living happily among the fairy people?

Witch:

Will you stop bringing that up?? I shall smite you with lightening!!! (magic noise)

Shnogg:

(Being tickled) adlib

Witch:

Oh Flagnogs!!!! *sigh* Nothing I do ever turns out evil! Ever since my sister, “the good fairy” Allora made our dog disappear when we were 12, I can’t seem to do any of the magic spells I want to. (To Shnogg) Will you stop it already!!??!!

Shnogg:

(finally stopping laughing) I’m..(snickers)...I’m sorry Mistress. So how do we get the book away from the wizard?

Witch:

Here is the evil plan. First I will train a cat to find the wizards house, then I will turn us into fleas and we will hop on the cat and ride all the way there. Then we will sneak under the door turn back into ourselves and grab the book. Then I will turn us into eagles and we will fly to a bus station and catch a bus that will take us home and away from the wizard and his friends. And then I will turn them into lawn gnomes! ahahah!

Shnogg:

Excuse me Mistress...but...wouldn’t it just be easier for you to *poof* us to the wizards house and then we could grab the book and then you could *poof* us back? Ya know, save on bus fare?

Witch:

Wait Shongg, I have a better plan! I will poof us to the wizards where we will grab his book and then I will poof us back! We’ll save on bus fare!l

Shnogg:

Wonderful idea Mistress!

Witch:

Come Shnogg! We go!!!!

(They Exit)

Narrator:

Meanwhile at the wizards study, unaware of the evil witch’s plan to turn them all into lawn gnomes, the fairy and Frank were explaining their situation to the wise old wizard.

Wizard:

Now let me see if I’ve got this straight. You(Pointing to Frank and sneezing) want to be a prince, but now the fairy’s magic messed up your voice. And you( pointing to the fairy and sneezing) tried to help but don’t know how to work your magic that well. And..ah.ah.ah.ah.AAACCCHHHOOOOO!!!!!

FRank:

words

Fairy:

I agree Frank. It seems like you’ve got quite the cold mr. Wizard!

Wizard:

Oh forgive me, it’s my allergies. They always act up this time of year. Well now let’s see what I can do. Stand back sir. okay now ‘this ogre is ugly, and talks funny too, help his voice return to normal so he can find a love that is...is...tru..tru....achoooooo!!!!!!!!!!

(Princess stumbles onto stage, confused)

Princess:

Uh...woah....like where am I?

Wizard:

Oh dear. It seems that my allergies have made quite a mess of that spell. I accidentally made his true love appear instead of making his strange voice disappear!

Princess:

Uh, Frank, what’s going on?

Frank:

uhhh...(mumbles and makes strange noises trying not to talk. Turns and begs to wizard)

Wizard:

Alright here we go again.

Fairy:

(To Princess) Take Cover!!! (They hide under a table or behind a stump)

Wizard:

(clears throat) okay! “This guys voice sounds really horrible, help it to return to normal”

Princess:

(approaching frank) Frank?

Frank:

Frank Ogre’s Cleaning Service. How can I help you?

Princess:

Oh Frank!

(Loud crash is heard, Witch and shnogg *humph* on stage)

Witch:

*Poofing* places is way overrated!

Shnogg:

I see stars!!

Witch:

All right listen up. (Turning to Allora) Hello, sister!

Fairy:

Agnes! I see you’re still doing that whole evil witch thing. How sad.

Witch:

(sticks out tongue ) I’m here for the big book of magic, so just give it to me and no one gets hurt.

Wizard:

(Approaches to say something but has his biggest sneezing fit yet and it blows him all the way off stage)

Witch:

I will take that as a “Yes please take the book. and have a nice day”

Wizard: (offstage)

N....n...no...achooooo!!

Frank:

We had better make sure he’s alright!

Princess:

You’re so brave!!

(They Exit)

Witch:

Fine. Then I challenge you to a magic battle. the winner gets the book!

Fairy:

You’re on!

Witch:

Prepare to meet my ferocious beast!! hahaha

(Beast appears and growls...runs over to fairy, mews, hugs her and leaves)

Fairy:

Aww how cute! Now prepare to meet my ferocious beast!

Witch:

Uh where is it?

Fairy:

I...uh...I don’t know. Hmmm....

Witch:

Do you see a ferocious beast Shnogg?

Shnogg:

BARK!

Witch:

Shnogg?

(Shnogg runs around acting like a dog)

Oh great you turned him into a dog. It isn’t enough that you made our dog pooky dissapear when we were little but now you’ve made my hobgoblin think he’s a dog??

Fairy:

ME? You’re the one who made pooky dissapear!! And Shnogg is much cuter as a dog! Come here Shnoggy! Come here! Good boy!

Witch:

That’s it you’ve done it prepare for my worst spell yet.

Fairy:

Well here comes mine too!

Witch and Fairy:

Bibbity, Bobbity, BOO!!

Frank: (offstage)

YYYYYYYAAAAAAOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Witch and Fairy:

Woops-a-poof!!

(Frank, princess and wizard enter. Frank is a prince and is holding the princesses hand)

Frank:

You did it!! I’m a prince!!

Princess:

Oh Frank! I love you!

(They embrace)

Frank:

But how did it happen?

Wizard:

(to witch and fairy)

You two have very powerful magic. It’s unlike any i’ve ever seen before. But it is only when you use your magic together that you truly have the power to help others. What do you say sisters? Could you learn to work together?

Fairy:

Well.....I think so! What do you say sis?

Witch:

Well I...I...but I’m mad at you! You made pooky dissapear and I vowed to be evil until I could make him reapear! Do you see him any where??? huh? Do you??

Wizard:

I have a confession to make girls. Years ago I was good friends with your father. I was visiting your house in the spring time. Terrible pollen in the spring you know. Well I was casting a small spell and I sneezed and your dog, Pooky, who was sitting right in front of me suddenly turned into a hobgoblin!! I’m sorry I never told you girls. I thought it would be best that way.

Fairy:

Oh Wizard. It’s alright!

Witch:

Wait? A hobgoblin you say? Why it was the day after pooky disapeared that I met Shnogg and kept him as my hobgoblin. I wonder.....

Fairy:

You don’t think....

Fairy and Witch:

Pooky?

(Shnogg looks, runs over and jumps and barks etc)

POOKY!!!!!

Witch:

You’ve been with me all along!!

Fairy:

So what do you say Aggie? Can we work together?

Witch:

Of corse! I’d love to. But if we’re going to be traveling around helping people I’ll have to find a good home for...uh...shnogg...pooky....Shnookie!!!!

Wizard:

Don’t look at me! Hobgobblins shed too much! *Sneeze*

Princess:

Oh Frank, he’s so cute. Can we keep him??? PLLEEAASSEE???

Frank:

Oh okay. How are you at pool cleaning boy?

Shnogg:

BARK BARK

Everyone laughs and freezes.

Narrator:

And so, everyone was going to live happily ever after! Frank and the princess were going to be married and keep Shnog...oh uh...Shnokie as their pet. The Wizard had finally gotten rid of a silly secret and he felt much better. And Allora and Aggie were off to work together to help people all over the kingdom. But...it seems like we’re forgetting something...hmmmm

Stage Hand:

Excuse me! Phone call for a Mr. Frank Ogre?

Frank:

Oh yes that’s me. Thanks. Hello. (!#$^&*)(*&%#@$%^) Uh sir please calm down, what? (@#$%^&*(&^%^) OH! Sir I’m so sorry I forgot all about your cat stuck in your pool! I’ll be right there I promise (^%$#$%^) Yes I’m hurrying, I’m hurrying!!!!!! Goodbye sir.

(Hangs up phone and silence ensues)

Frank:

Woops-a-poof!!

Everyone laughs

(The End :D )

To Whom It May Concern...

This was written as a piece for a poetry class a couple years ago. It remains one of my favorites, although the meaning has changed since it was authored, it remains dedicated

To Whom It May Concern...

I do not understand why he has turned away. Why has he begun to build his mask of tomorrows and todays? Does he not remember yesterday, when I sat with him on an eve, though grim, beautiful and ongoing forever in my mind? Why can he not see that I still love him? Perhaps, is it true that love is blind? For the great king and the seer too, saw not until they received wounds anew. My dear love, do not blind yourself for me; for, your eyes are like the midday moon, the summers heat upon a dune, and though your mark runs head to toe, it is the diamond of your soul. Do not conform to darkness yet, nor paint your face and fires set. Do not forget my shining hope. It burns for you while you sneer and joke. You are not he who wishes the world to burn; you are the hero who, in return for all thy self, will ask for nothing, save myself. I will not conform, but Defy and fly, and your diamonds shall shine like stars in the sky. How many nights have we watched them? How many times have we wished for nothing more than another first kiss? Yet, I do not know you now. I have lost sight of your glorious light and no not where you can be found. Who are you now? Come back to me. Though the knight may be dark, it is merely the lingering eclipse. A shadow in time when moon and sun unite to grant the world a wish. And the moment passes. And celestial bodies revolve but so they shall come again, my love. So they shall come again.

Eric! And...C-Pain!

I'm At A Banquet...

To continue in the video series, here's the short music video that was made for the RHA Spring 2009 banquet. This project was an absolute blast to work on-in no small part due to the fabulous people that worked on it. Eric and Jordan, if you're reading this, I must admit that making this video is some of the most fun I've ever had with you guys. Chris, or should I say C-Pain, thank you for helping us with this and for not getting mad when I still insist on showing it to everyone of your residents I meet.

While making this vid did not include any sort of broken bones, there was a wild, late-night adventure in the library. I'm not sure if the best part was spending half an hour in the elevator trying to get shots we never used, watching Jordan rap to the bodiless statue, or searching for books that had "Banquet" in the title and coming up with several disturbing volumes, but whatever the craziest moment was, it was worth all the work to show it at the banquet. To this day, "I'm At A Banquet" remains a fond memory. Thanks guys!

"Throw Your Forks Down! This Banquet Is Real!!!"

More...

This is the most recent video I've completed for a class. Part truth, part fiction, part over-exaggeration, part misunderstanding, part confusion, and part awesome--this is both my favorite and least favorite of the videos I've done lately. The idea was to take a paper that we had just written and turn it into a video. Below is the paper I wrote, and at the bottom of the page, you'll find the video. I hope you enjoy. Mabes and Downing, if you ever see this, I hope you'll both forgive me for my over-the-topness and still realize that you two caused it.

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I’ve always hated the first day of classes. Don’t get me wrong, I like the excitement of starting a new semester, but I can only sit through so many rounds of “introduce yourself to the class” before I lose my mind. This is one of the few instances of my education during which I envy my science major counterparts. Sitting in a lecture with 200 other E-Bio or IPHY students usually means the professor will choose to forego large group introductions. Being a double major in two of the disciplines with the most intimate class sizes, English and Theater, autonomy is not a luxury I have been afforded.

I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad if the introduction sessions weren’t all the same—“Tell us your name, where you’re from, what you’re major is, and something interesting about you.” By the end of day one, I’m no longer surprised to hear that, in my five o’clock acting class, Sally went to Jamaica this summer, or that Billy can speak 3 languages because Suzie or Bobby in my two-thirty English class can claim equally impressive feats. Then there’s my favorite question of all, asked nearly without exception in my major specific classes: “Why do you want to be an English major?” “Why do you want to be a theater major?”

Standard answers range from, “Because I like to read and write,” to “Because I’ve always loved to perform.” I admit that I too am guilty of occasionally offering up this kind of easy-out answer. I can’t help but think though, in the way one thinks about such abstract things, that with such answers, we are cheapening our passion. What makes a man choose to devote his life to the study of some area without a passionate reason for doing so? I think back to my high school language and arts teachers. I wonder what on this earth could have compelled them to have completed their own studies and voluntarily chosen to then instruct others in their disciplines. Surely it is not because they like to read, to write, to perform, merely.

I received a phone call the other day from an old friend. He told me that one of my favorite high school English teachers is leaving. After thirty-some-odd years of teaching, he’s moving on. I think about him sometimes; about what he would say if he, the man who inspired me to dedicate my life to the study of the arts, would say if he caught me uttering a “because I like to read.” I can see him now, staring knowingly at me with his sunken, smiling, ice-blue eyes saying, “Really, Bec? Haven’t I taught you better than that?”

And I realize, that he has. I realize that I have an answer for him. For everyone that asks me why. My answer is because we are more. Because what we do here is not about knowing the difference between a semicolon and comma, any more than art is about know the difference between a stroke and a stipple of the brush. What we do here in English, in Literature, in art, and in performance is more than the sum of the parts of all the menial skills and rules and rhetorics of any given discourse. We are scholars of the most ancient discipline known in the universe: the legacy of human kind.

In “English” there is more study of language and transference than in any communication class. A well-written novel speaks volumes more to the nature of the human psyche than Freud ever did with his Id and Ego. There is more justice in pages of works of writers gone before than in any law student’s textbook. What we do here is more beautiful than a hundred sunsets; for, we give the people words, emotions, and visions to describe that image in ways never before thought possible. In doing so, we capture moments in time, wrap them in shining satin ribbon and allow them to be kept in all their splendor for eternity, or at least until parchment and ink crumble to dust. What we do takes more courage than anyone would dare to believe. Each day, we arrive to our classes and workshops, our seminars and recitations. We reach into ourselves to separate human body from emotion. We trap these emotions in glass bells and poke them with sticks. We watch them do tricks, expose them to the elements, and with microscopic examination, we observe them with all the objectivism of a seasoned biology student. But, that alone is not what makes us courageous.

It is that at the end of the day, when we have witnessed the most vile and violent natures of our own selves, that we return home. We see that the world is corrupt and cruel, tainted and tormented, soiled and sinful. Yet, we find strength to return to our families, friends and not despair. Because we know, I know, that what we do here makes a difference. And that, is hope in the darkness. It is enough to make it through another day. On with the sunset, for the sunrise will follow.

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